I know, that’s a deep thought there in the subject line. In all seriousness, though, that is how I feel. There is very little rhyme or reason to my fibro, as far as I can tell. Some people talk about patterns with their pain. For me, there are very few patterns.
Here are some things I know are usually likely to make me hurt:
Extremes in temperature
Eating too much sugar or staying up too late, or both (I have a tendency to do both!)
Standing for too long (sometimes “too long” is only a few minutes; other times, it’s much longer than that)
Sitting in an uncomfortable chair
Staying in bed for too long
Spending too much time at the computer
Other than that, it’s anyone’s guess. I can sometimes be fairly active without consequence. Other times, the smallest activity will result in severe pain. Then there are the times when all I have to do is move a certain way, and I will suddenly wind up in tremendous pain. There isn’t anything that is guaranteed to trigger a flare, and there isn’t anything that is guaranteed not to trigger a flare.
If you have fibromyalgia or chronic pain, what triggers your flares? Do you know, or do they work in mysterious ways like mine?
I know humidity is a common trigger, but for me, it’s a wild card. Snow, on the other hand, will almost always send me into a flare. Winters are also very difficult for me because my digestion slows down in the colder weather, causing stomach pain and nausea.
Which do you find is more difficult for you personally, heat or cold? I know that varies from person to person.
A lot of doctors now think fibromyalgia is caused by nerve pain. I have never believed that in my own case. To me, it has always felt like it is in the muscles. Medication for nerve pain has not helped me. (I am currently taking Neurontin, but only because it has a sedative effect that seems to help me sleep. Lyrica did nothing for me except cause me to put on about 40 pounds in the space of just a few months – not helpful, to say the least!)
This may become a series of posts (hence the “part I”), because I can’t imagine that I will be able to post everything that needs to be said about this in one entry. Much as I would prefer to be writing about traveling with chronic illnesses in general, I feel that I need to write about myself and my own experience right now. Perhaps what I go through will be helpful to other readers.
I will be traveling solo to Seattle on Thursday for a family event. (I plan to follow up on this post when I get back, or maybe even before if I can post from my tablet, to let you all know how it goes.) I am really looking forward to it.
At the same time, preparing for it is taking a lot out of me. My anxiety level has been through the roof since last week, although a lot of it is excitement about going to a new place and seeing people I care about. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping, which can really mess with the fibromyalgia.
When one has a chronic illness, even planning for a day trip can become extremely difficult. This is a 6-day trip. There are the “normal” things I have had to do, such as finding a new dress for the occasion, which was mostly fun. (My dress is fabulous, if I do say so myself.) I also got matching accessories and made matching jewelry. I may have gone a bit overboard, but again: fun. I bought a book on Seattle and have been trying to figure out what to do with the few days of spare time I will have there. Also fun.
Then comes the not fun stuff. Least fun of all is the anxiety. I’m sure I should be meditating or doing something to help myself relax, but I am completely wired, and so far I have found that medication is the only thing that helps. Not so good, but at least it’s something.
I have had to make tons of phone calls about special accommodations and arrangements. I have had to get drivers to bring me to the airport and drivers to pick me up at the airport on the other end. Since I need help with my luggage (as in, I can’t even get it out to the curb – or even lift a checked bag from the baggage claim), I’ll need to pay a little extra, since I have to get a car service and not, say, an Uber or a regular taxi. We cannot afford any of this, but I’m pretending we can.
I have also been in touch with the airline I’ll be flying with and the TSA about getting around the airports themselves. Since I cannot roll my carry-on bag, I will need assistance. I have been told that there is no way to get someone to just wheel or carry my bag for me – I need to get wheelchair assistance specifically. It does not matter that I do not need a wheelchair. Wheelchair assistance is the only way to guarantee that someone can help me get my bags to the gate.
This will be weird for me. I am not at all used to riding around in a wheelchair. As a result, it may make me feel like a bit of a phony. I will have to figure out a way to deal with that. I cannot let my pride get in the way of getting any assistance I need. (Also, I’ve been told that you get through security much more quickly when in a wheelchair. I plan to test this theory.)
I have about a billion things I need to put in my carry-on bag. I plan to bring a checked bag as well, but all I can think of to put in it are my casual clothes and less necessary toiletries. The majority of my stuff needs to be with me at all times. In my carry-on, I will have my dressy outfits for the events, prescription medications (a gallon ziplock bag full of small bottles as well as a very small cooler for my prescription eye drops), snacks and sandwiches (because there is no guarantee that I will be able to find anything in the airport or on the airplane that meets my dietary restrictions, and it’s a 6-hour flight), my heating pad, and the toiletries I cannot live without if my checked bag gets lost. This is going to make for a very full carry-on bag. I will also have a smaller tote bag inside my rolling bag, which will contain my Kindle and various other things I will need while on the plane.
I have no idea if this will all fit into my little rolling suitcase. I will probably do a trial run later to find out. I wanted to put a jacket in there as well, since it’s been colder in Seattle than it has been here, but I know I will not have space for that so I’ll have to put it in my checked bag instead.
The family member who is making the food arrangements for this event (as well as lots of other arrangements, I’m sure!) – which includes a dinner, a service, a luncheon, a party with another dinner, and a brunch – has been very patient with me while I bug her about my dietary restrictions to find out if I will have enough to eat. I am really grateful to her for this. I can carry lightweight snacks around with me if absolutely necessary, but I cannot bring a whole meal with me because I will not be at home where I can make myself a sandwich with bread I can actually eat, and because with my neck and shoulder pain it’s already hard to carry anything extra in my handbag. Also, it is incredibly awkward to be at a gathering and have to bring your own food – or eat beforehand – because you can’t eat anything that’s being served. This is because, no matter what I say, other people feel bad for me. I do not want pity. I just want food. LOL!
I have not written much about it here yet, but gastroparesis makes my stomach very particular about what I can put into it without getting sick. Unfortunately, that means my diet is not as simple as gluten-free or soy-free or even low acid. It is very hard to explain to others what I can and cannot eat. This is in part because it doesn’t seem to make much sense a lot of the time. I can eat dairy products, which bother a lot of people with stomach ailments, with no problem. However, for example, I cannot digest raw vegetables. (I will eat most cooked vegetables even though they may set me off, because nutrients and all that.) I cannot eat wheat, but I do not maintain a gluten-free diet. I can digest small amounts of gluten, such as those found in spelt (aka farro or faro, one of the “ancient grains”). I also do not have to worry about cross-contamination because I do not have Celiac Disease. That is my diet in a very small nutshell, and I’m sure I will be posting more about it as time goes on.
Mainly, my point here is that I have a lot to think about that the average healthy person probably does not when they travel. I cannot walk long distances (and some airports are HUGE!), I cannot stand for very long, and I need to keep myself fed. I have to figure out how to keep my anxiety under control while waiting at a crowded, noisy gate. Then there are the things that are completely beyond my control. For example, I may wake up Thursday morning with a fibromyalgia flare or a migraine headache. If that happens, I will have to medicate myself and hope for the best.
All in all, travel is a huge hassle – but well worth it. I just hope things will go as smoothly as possible.
“On paper, you’re the picture of perfect health.” Those words were said to me yesterday by my new Primary Care Physician as he was looking at the results of last year’s physical. (OK, so they weren’t really “on paper,” they were on his computer…but we know what he meant.) I am such a case of “you don’t look sick” that even my test results are conspiring to make me less believable.
I’m kidding. I’m actually really glad my lab results are generally normal. I have fibro, I have reflux esophagitis, I don’t exercise or eat right. Things could easily go sideways at any time. As of last year, my cholesterol was at the high end of what’s normal, and my good cholesterol was, well, good. It didn’t worry the doctors. I hope this year’s physical will be similar. (I’m due for one in September.)
I have hope for this new Primary Care doc. He doesn’t seem daunted by my impressive list of medications and conditions. He is willing to work with me as long as it doesn’t involve making medical decisions that should be made by specialists, which is perfectly reasonable. He listened to what I had to say yesterday, and when he spoke, he asked questions and said things that made sense. He was friendly and kind, and was even wearing a lavender shirt and a white tie with purple and lavender stripes (purple is my favorite color, so this made me happy).
He wants me to try to work with my other doctors to cut down on my meds, which I hope I can do. There are a few I’m taking that I’m not sure are helping, so decreasing the dosages with the help of whatever specialist prescribed them is a good idea.
He’s ordered a bone density test and a gastric emptying study for me. (I won’t go into why bone density is a worry for me at 37 years old, but it is.) My last gastric emptying study – the one that determined I had idiopathic gastroparesis – was 9 years ago, so we want to see how my digestion is doing these days. I had been on Reglan (a motility aid that helped considerably with my gastroparesis) for years, until a doctor took me off it last year due to the risk of tardive dyskinesia. (Scary stuff!) I did not get noticeably worse when I went off it, so that was that.
I told him about the work I’m doing to try to get better – the weekly psychotherapy sessions, weekly Fibromyalgia Life Coach sessions, trying to develop more of a social life because it makes me happier. That’s all been working out well for me, though I hit bumps in the road when life interferes (throwing horrible eye allergies at me, or giving me a mystery illness with a slight fever like I have now, or what have you). (Side note: the eyes have been much better lately! Hooray!)
Here’s the killer, though: he wants me to try making drastic dietary changes. Ummm…drastic? Yikes! I love food. My diet is already restricted significantly because I cannot eat wheat or soy or raw vegetables without getting really sick. I will give up coffee and chocolate over my dead body. Same with dairy products, though I can try to decrease them somewhat, I think – if I can think of other things to eat!
The main thing he suggested to me was an anti-inflammatory diet. However, in my Internet research, it’s become apparent that a lot of sites (and doctors) disagree on what that means. To that end, I’ve reserved a few books from the library on what one should or should not eat with chronic pain, all of which have recipes included. I figure I’ll cherry pick what I can from those.
I’m of the opinion that drastic dietary changes would be a bad idea for me unless I were absolutely desperate to try something new. Food brings me joy. When I don’t eat food I like, and/or when I don’t eat enough, I feel deprived – something I tend to think that I feel often enough as a fibro patient. I don’t want more deprivation.
However, I’ve known for a while that I need to cut down on sugar. A lot. I have a terrible sweet tooth, and although my sweet-eating is limited to what doesn’t contain wheat or soy, that still leaves a lot of delicious things. (Gluten-free baked goods from my favorite farmer’s market vendor…Ice cream…Fancy chocolate. Mmmm.) Cutting out sugar completely would make me a totally miserable human being, but cutting down on it would probably decrease my pain levels. I am sensitive enough to sugar that I can actually feel my pain get worse after eating something particularly sugar-laden. Not a good feeling (except for my taste buds!).
That’s all I’ve got to say about the Primary Care Physician visit for now.
On another note, Fibro Coach suggested I try melatonin for sleep. For a very long time, I’ve been on Trazodone as a sleep aid, and lately my sleep hasn’t been great even with that. I tried the melatonin. It worked too well! I found myself sleeping straight through the night for 10-12 hours. That would be fine if I had nothing to do, but I do actually need to get out and do things sometimes, so I’ve cut it down to half a pill. I’ve also tried reducing the Trazodone (with a doctor’s help). Not sure how that will work out. Wish me luck!
I have big news that must wait until another post. Please stay tuned.