The cheesiest post you will ever read here (probably)

Hold on to what you’ve been given lately
Hold on to what you know you’ve got
Hold on to what you’ve been given lately
Hold on ’cause the world will turn if you’re ready or not

– KT Tunstall

I have loads of stuff I want to post about, but that’s all getting moved to the back burner for now, even the half-finished posts I wrote while I was away.

At the moment, I am just full of gratitude. It isn’t that I’m not normally grateful for what I have, but sometimes it takes some pretty important events to drive it all home, especially when you’ve got depression and/or chronic physical illnesses.

In this case, there are two factors. One is the fantastic time I had in Seattle with relatives I hadn’t seen in a long time – definitely too long. I had been a little worried about going out there on my own, and about how I’d be received after such a long time, but I really need not have worried. They were as welcoming and loving as ever. They treated me with so much warmth, kindness, and generosity. Their hospitality was amazing. I kind of feel like I’m generalizing by saying “their” – a whole lot of my relatives were there for this event – but really, it’s true of every one of them, and I love them so much.

(I also met a longtime online friend, which was great, and enjoyed Seattle immensely. More about all of this later, I hope.)

The other factor is this: last night, I had a nosebleed. That makes it sound so simple, but actually, it was not at all. I apologize for the nasty details that come next.

Last night (or maybe very early this morning), blood started gushing from my nose and mouth, and I vomited a few times. Our bathroom looked like a crime scene straight out of CSI. (I’m glad I was in the bathroom when this began, at least!) My husband had to call 911 and get an ambulance to take me to the ER. I have never been so frightened in my life. I thought I might be dying. I had never seen so much blood. I hadn’t even had a “normal” nosebleed since I was a kid, and I had never coughed up blood before.

We were in the ER for several hours last night/this morning. My husband was by my side the entire time. I received good treatment there. They wound up suctioning out a lot of the blood and packing my nose with this weird inflatable thing. It hurt like crazy going in, and didn’t stop the bleeding, though it certainly slowed it down.

When we came home, I managed to sleep for a while even with the packing in my nose (which is no small feat – I am not so good at breathing through my mouth). My husband got me an ENT appointment for this afternoon and took me over there, and again, was by my side the whole time (except while he was parking the car).  😉  The ENT cauterized the place where he thought the bleeding had started, and, lo and behold, my nose has not been bleeding since.

Going through this made me feel exceedingly grateful – for my husband, for my loved ones, for good medical care and good medical insurance, for being able to breathe. I wanted to take the time to share that gratitude, because sometimes it gets hidden by having chronic illnesses, but it’s still there. It’s always there (at some times more than others, but yes, always).

Any of you have similar experiences you’d like to share?

Pike Place Market selfie